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]]>Dancing With The MILITARY Stars has “gone country” this year! Whether you have two left feet or dance like Fred Astaire, there will be plenty of fun to be had at Dancing With The MILITARY Stars; a benefit and community event sponsored by The Arms Forces nonprofit that assists military veterans who have a traumatic brain injury or post-traumatic stress or other invisible wounds.
Come enjoy a full evening of honor for our Veteran Honorees and entertainment as pro dancers and local celebrities dance in honor of our veterans! Enjoy other live entertainment and dancing and socializing until 11pm.
It takes a community to LIFT UP A VETERAN and we are asking you to join us in our mission by supporting and attending our Third Annual Community Event and Benefit at the Grand Aire Terminal at Toledo Express on May 10th!
The entire community is invited to attend, sponsor, advertise, donate to the live and silent auctions and be a part of this wonderful event in Northwest Ohio! It will be a night to remember for all!!
Complete details, reservations, sponsorship opportunities, donations to our auction, printable forms and flyers can all be found at www.DancingWithTheMilitaryStars.com
Make Your Reservation Now! »
CLICK for RESERVATIONS and complete information ATTEND SPONSOR DONATE
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]]>The post Last Sunday of September; Gold Star Mothers Day appeared first on The Arms Forces.
]]>I thought about the color GOLD and all that it represents and how it fits these strong women who many have taken their losses and turned them into triumphs by helping others.
Gold is known for its’ great worth and its’ rarity. You must sift through a lot of dirt and stones to find the solid rock that shines brightly. Gold is strong and though you can beat it with another stone, it will withstand the pressure. Gold is admired and used as a measure of great worth; gold standard, gold seal of approval, worth its’ weight in gold.
There is also a saying “All that shines is not gold”. But, I know for sure from the many Gold Star Mothers The Arms Forces is blessed to know, that these women SHINE in the face of great adversity and along with their family members have given the ultimate sacrifice for our country.
If you think you don’t know a GSM, think again. Most likely there is one involved at your child’s school, or a grandma who volunteers, or the lady in the other cubicle, or your insurance agent or real estate agent. Maybe she is your hairdresser or your nurse. Sadly, she could be the woman who is homeless, the woman you see crying at the grocery store, the woman who used to have many friends and smile broadly and now isolates.
Today, as you watch football, eat some great food, spend time with your children and grandchildren, REMEMBER, many have paid a high price for the rest of us to enjoy our freedoms. Keep enjoying life and find ways to keep our country’s freedoms intact in our daily life. This is how we can honor the fallen and their families. A free USA is why they died. May God CONTINUE to bless our country with the freedoms we have known and the reason so many have become Gold Star Mothers. God bless each and every one of you who are Gold Star Mothers. Today and every day, we honor you and remember!
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There are so many reason why I do what I do at The Arms Forces organization. Every single reason has a face behind it. The face that I want to share with you today is one that inspires me to keep up the battle to educate and advocate for those with the invisible wounds of traumatic brain injury and post-traumatic stress. Today, I share with you, Eric Hall and his parents Kevin and Becky Hall. Eric, representing all of those who have lost their lives at home on American soil due to their invisible war wounds, will be honored at The Arms Forces’ Dancing With The Military Stars with a memorable tribute dance. His mother Becky will be part of the dance to honor her son as well as the others. This story is about loss, but when you read about the life of Eric Hall, I hope you will also be inspired to join in the cause to help make a difference in the lives of others so that stories of hope and joy can be written, not those of tears and loss. Invisble wounds don’t have to lead to death and despair. The path may be crooked and it may be difficult, but it is a path that with the right navigation, can lead to restoration! I am asking YOU to assist us in providing that path to restoration for our invisbly wounded veterans and their families. Becky wrote the following letter and I know it will inspire you as much as it does me every time I read it. Thank you Kevin and Becky for your son Eric and for all of the great sacrifices your family has made for our country. Every loss whether on the battlefield or on home turf is a tragic loss!
Becky’s Letter about her son…..
My name is Becky Hall. I am the mother of Cpl Eric Hall USMC, deceased and the President of the Eric Hall Memorial Foundation. The foundation was established after the death of my son in 2008. My son suffered a devastating wound during an IED explosion while on a foot patrol in Fallujah, Iraq in 2005. While the military doctors were able to heal his visible wounds, the wounds that would haunt the next 2 ½ years of his life and eventually lead to his death were the invisible wounds of war. Our story is not unlike many other families. At the time our son was injured, service members were sent home from the hospital for 6 months of R &R. And like many others, Eric’s Father and I were the only family support he had. The doctors gave us a list of things to watch for that would indicate that Eric was suffering from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and said follow up at the local VA until he returned to Bethesda to his military doctors for follow-up. Eric came home with every symptom on the list. They never told us how to deal with his pain issues and how to help him come off of an obscene amount of drugs. The doctors had done multiple CAT scans of Eric’s brain to rule out a Traumatic Brain Injury but they did not tell us that only a very sophisticated MRI would be able to show the small tears at the synaptic level in the brain. It took months and an unfortunate incident with a Major during one of many trips to the hospital for surgery to finally get the Psychiatrist to diagnose PTSD. Eric spent almost 6-months at home with only a limited amount of contact from the military and no support system making him feel disconnected and no longer a part of the Corp, the very thing that made him proud.
Time has made me realize that not only did Eric suffer from PTSD; he also had an undiagnosed Traumatic Brain Injury. The day he told me he did not remember his childhood, his inability to remember things, to remain focused on a task, and follow through with appointments were all typical symptoms of TBI. Being undiagnosed, the medications that he received were at times contraindicated for TBI making his behavior erratic and unpredictable one minute and my son the next minute.
Eric had no one reach out to him and stay focused on him to get him through what he was dealing with. Being a parent, he would only allow his Dad and me a limited amount of insight into his inner conflict. This was his attempt to protect us from the realities of war but also there was an inner conflict with the morality of what had to be done to stay alive. There was no one to talk with to help him make sense of his feelings and to point him to the resources that could help him. I watched my son suffer a bigger tragedy than his physical wounds; they were the invisible wounds of war.
Ms. Hays’ concept of reaching out directly to our veterans or active duty military personal who are in need, is the very thing that would have saved Eric from his tragic death. Unfortunately, when a person suffers from Traumatic Brain Injury, they can no longer make the clear decisions needed to receive the help they desperately need. They need someone to advocate on their behalf. To get them to appointment and to go with them so they do not become confused and not realize what their rights are and what kind of care they are entitled to as well as what benefits they are entitled.
This type of program has the potential to be nationwide and reach our suffering and troubled veterans and service members at a grass roots level. The saying goes, “it takes a village to raise a child”, I believe it takes every American reaching out at a grassroots level to “save” our veterans and Wounded Warriors from a lifetime of suffering.
Regards,
Becky Hall
ERIC HALL
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]]>The post The Arms Forces Founding Principles appeared first on The Arms Forces.
]]>People are the same more than they are different.
Look for the common threads and begin weaving relational tapestries based on trust, respect, dignity, empowerment, and individual goals, desires and beliefs.
Be kind; don’t just act it.
Learning the skills of a “Wounded Healer” can change your life along with others.
Having a purpose in life that gets you up in the morning is as important as the food you eat to nurture your body both physically and mentally.
A person reaching out to help others is a circular movement, not linear.
Learning should be a lifelong goal and the best learning comes from the experiences and people you share life with.
Programs and services only work if the people they were developed for actually use them.
How much money was spent does not necessarily equate to lives positively changed.
Sometimes you just have to do something.
Disabilities are many times just doorways to new abilities.
When your head hits the pillow at night, if one life was made just a bit better by what you did that day, then close your eyes in peace.
TM Copyrighted Material The Arms Forces 2011
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]]>The post Be a VOTE WARRIOR for VETERANS appeared first on The Arms Forces.
]]>The Arms Forces nonprofit organization has a WAR-AT-HOME Strategy for invisiblywounded veterans that is successful for those we serve.
We call it our ” LIV 4″ program and believe the name pretty much sums up the purpose of our organization!
WE NEED YOU to join our FORCES in the month of MAY and be part of carrying out this important MISSION!
* YOUR FIRST DAILY ACTION in the mission is to VOTE for our programs to win $50,000. It is simple to vote and requires just seconds a day!
Go to www.refresheverything.com/thearmsforces, sign in using Facebook or create an account, then sign in daily and vote. Bookmark the page so you have it readily available each day. Or, vote by texting on your mobile phone, type in 73774 in the “To” and 106286 for the message! Simple as that!
* YOUR SECOND DAILY ACTION, is to share the website and text messaging information with all of those you come in contact with through FB, LinkedIn, Twitter, Blogs, email and so on. Get your online and face-to-facel communities involved!
* After VOTING and PROMOTING DAILY, take pride in knowing you are a VOTE WARRIOR for our VETERANS who need our help and know that you have made a difference for veterans in YOUR OWN community and around our country!!!
Some of the most grateful, and humble people are our military veterans. They do so much, ask so little, and now WE ALL HAVE a chance to THANK THEM in way that will help them live a quality life!! VOTE & PROMOTE
Thank you!
With open arms,
Pam Hays Founder/President
The Arms Forces
www.thearmsforces.org
[email protected]
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]]>The post Day 31 TBI Challenge for CHANGE for Veterans appeared first on The Arms Forces.
]]>The 31 Day TBI Challenge for CHANGE for Veterans ends today! When I came up with this challenge for March, brain injury awareness month, I didn’t factor in how difficult it is for me to do things consistently, in order and definitely to stick with writing the challenge for 31 days! But, every day this month an article got posted. Sometimes later in the day than I wanted, but if you remember a few weeks ago, we learned about a phrase I coined about what I learned from my own TBI “The Art of Good Enough”. For me personally, this Challenge was a challenge for myself. I am happy with the outcome and I know from the comments and the fact that just on The Arms Forces Facebook page alone, the number of visitors to the page increased more than 4 times what it was before the Challenge. That tells me that a lot of people are interested in the subject matter and took the time to come to the page and read consistently during the month.
Educating and advocating about traumatic brain injury did not begin on March 1st for me nor will it end on March 31st. Just as a TBI survivor faces the life-long challenges of TBI, I will continue to be a force for CHANGE for those with TBI, especially our veterans who I have been called to serve for as long as I am able.
I get asked often, why and how I got involved working with the military with invisible wounds. Sure, it makes sense about the TBI part, since I am a TBI survivor, but why the military? Why not just work with civilians with TBI? I frequently refer to myself as “Just a woman form Ohio with a TBI who cares deeply about our country, our veterans with invisible wounds and their families”. Though The Arms Forces is not a faith-based organization, my own reasons for founding it are spiritual. God made it very clear to me in April of 2009 that I was to work with the military with TBI and PTSD. I wanted to fight him a bit about this, as I just went through 9years of a very rough life after my injuries. I remember looking to the ceiling in my room and yelling out “WHAT?? Not me God. I don’t know a thing about the military. Please don’t do this to me”. Well, nothing came along that took that tugging of the heart away, so I knew I couldn’t fight it.
A few naysayers tried to discourage me saying that since I was a civilian the military would not relate to me and their culture made them want to stay with “their own”. I found out quite quickly just how wrong they were!
My journey for the 9 years prior to when I was called to serve our veterans, was filled with the extreme loss that many with TBI experience. My marriage ended, my finances left me near destitute and homeless, many friends didn’t understood so they left, I wasn’t able to work enough to sustain myself, my self-esteem had plummeted, my depression was getting worse, my fear was keeping me stuck, my stress was giving me physical symptoms of a heart attack and my blood pressure was at stroke levels. I was lonely, confused, scared and felt loss and more alone than I have ever felt in my life.
This doesn’t sound like the woman you know as the Founder/President of The Arms Forces. And you know what? She isn’t the same woman. In the two years since that day in April when I knew where my mission in life was, I have come so far. I still have so many challenges with my own TBI. Not many people realize this, as they think since I do what I do that I am healed, recovered, rehabilitated. But, TBI doesn’t go away. It gets better, more manageable, and we learn to cope, to disguise, and to find a way to live again. For many they are surviving, but not thriving. But, I found a way to thrive. I found it in giving back, taking what was the most horrible experience of my life and turning it into something positive. The journey that I have been on since that day in 2000 on The Blue Ridge Parkway in West Virginia when my body slammed into the road, to today a severe TBI survivor who is the President of a nonprofit, has taken me from “Extreme adversity to joyful renewal”.(c)
Joyful renewal doesn’t mean my life is perfect. Far from it, I must say. There are still times in my life when fear, depression, confusion, seep into my days. But, I have the tools now that I have learned, to empower myself. I know I can have a TBI, have some very junky days, but I know that they won’t last. I know that I can hurt, feel pain, be down but still find a way to move forward in life. This ability to have a joyful renewal in the face of extreme adversity is based on something that is elusive and missing in many therapy programs. HOPE! Hope is the food, the sustenance we need to say, sure life is tough, but if I persevere, if I continue to push forward I can do this…I can make a life worth living…I can have a passion and pursue it…I can have a purpose and fulfill it…I can do more than survive with a TBI, I can thrive!
The CHANGE that you have been collecting for The Arms Forces is not just about money or coins. What you have been doing all month is what TBI survivors need to do to take themselves on their journey from extreme adversity to joyful renewal. Survivors need to find a way to take something that is “money in their bank” their positive CHANGE in life and deposit it into their life every day. Little by little a life begins to fill up with so much positive CHANGE and begins to overflow with positive currency!! Before you know it, you have a treasure chest of positive experiences and tools to use to manage life after TBI.
The Arms Forces embraces veterans with invisible wounds, and their families. I invite you to visit our website for more information about the services we provide; services that hit the mark, fill the gap and bring the heart and soul back to programs and services that are built on one human being reaching out to another human being in love and trust to help them in life.
I didn’t have that person in my life who understood me, who knew what I was going through someone like our Life Navigation Coaches to mentor me, encourage me, have faith in me and empower me. I made it through, by the Grace of God. I don’t want a veteran TBI survivor to have to go through the struggles and heartbreak I did. That is why The Arms Forces exists. There is an easier way on the journey after TBI and we believe The Arms Forces leads the way on that journey!
I ask all of you to become a partner with The Arms Forces on our mission. Please go to your change jar, and make a donation to our organization. Write a check, sell something you don’t need and donate the money, have a bake sale, a motorcycle run, an event in your community to help support us and donate the money to The Arms Forces so we can continue on our mission with veterans and their families. We are a 501(c)(3), so donations are tax-deductible. Our mission is great, our perseverance is strong, and our programs are filling gaps and changing lives!!! Be a part of that CHANGE!!
My heart is overflowing with love for what I am honored to do, working with our veterans and their families. I thank you for your support, your interest in this 31 Day TBI Challenge for CHANGE. I am so blessed and very grateful I have a TBI or I would never be doing what I am doing!!!
With open arms,
Pam Hays
Founder/President and severe TBI survivor
The Arms Forces
PO Box 981
Maumee, OH 43537
419-491-1555
[email protected] –email
www.facebook.com/thearmsforces.org
www.sharecare.com/user/pam-hayes
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]]>Day 30 Ami- A Wife’s Journey With TBI
Remember!! The 31 Day TBI Challenge for CHANGE during March, Brain Injury Awareness Month, consists of just two parts:
1.) Please learn something new about TBI every day. We will be posting an article daily on our Facebook and website pages to make it easy for you to learn. Today’s article is below.
2.) Help facilitate CHANGE by partnering with The Arms Forces by assisting us in continuing our efforts for invisibly wounded veterans by collecting your CHANGE daily and at the end of March donating the money to The Arms Forces. (contact information below) Create a jar and label it:
“The Arms Forces CHANGE for TBI” and put it out where you and others will see it. When someone asks you what it is all about, share with them a bit about what you have learned about TBI. Share stories of the people you will learn about through our posts on Facebook and how their lives have been forever changed by their injuries.
If collecting change every day is not your thing then be a part of the CHANGE by making a donation to The Arms Forces through our website www.thearmsforces.org or by mailing a check to the address below.
Day 30 Ami- A Wife’s Journey With TBI
TBI is a family affair. The parents, children and the spouses are all affected when TBI comes crashing into their lives. Family dynamics change. Sometimes temporarily, many times permanently. Though today’s article is just one page long, it is packed with emotions that spanned many years of anguish, pain and deep, unconditional love. Ami struggled to write this. We had several conversations and I never wanted her to feel she “had” to do put her emotions down on paper. But, she told me as difficult as it was for her, she was taking her time with the process and really wanted to express her emotions in this way. She was grateful to have the opportunity to release some of her emotions by writing. I am so grateful she did as you will see by reading this, we have looked into the heart and soul of a woman who was nearly broken by TBI, her husband’s injuries. Thank you, Ami, for bringing us into your life and for trusting The Arms Forces to honor your story.
Ami’s Story-
I was so honored to have Pam reach out to me and ask for my point of view for an article to support her wonderful endeavors and crusade to help families and those affected by severe injuries resulting in Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and Traumatic Brain Injuries. I must say it has been very difficult for me to put into words my thoughts and experiences over the years. I must say that while I have had difficulties at the heart of this journey has been the person most affected my wonderful husband Michael. This is my reflections and emotions written down and they are deeply personal to me and being that I am not very good at exposing my emotions and sharing them even at times with my husband. I have always struggled with the feelings that emotions and crying were signs of weakness and this article exposed quite a bit for me but in exploring the emotions I have gained much insight into the strength of love and sharing that my husband has taught me over the years more so in the past year.
My husband Michael is my best friend, my soul mate for lack of a better reference which I know is cliché but so very true and the strongest and most capable heroic man I have ever met. His kind loving soul is an inspiration to me and I was blessed over 22 years ago to have met him. At the time we met he was enlisted in the Army at Fort Benning, Georgia it was my 19th birthday and he was home on leave driving thru town with his friends as was I. We did what younger girls do we pulled over when a car of cute guys beckons you over, crazy I am sure today but it was the best thing I have ever done in my life and I have no regrets. It was a whirlwind relationship that has brought us here today where we are going to celebrate our 18th wedding anniversary later this year.
My husband was severely injured in the last few weeks of his service to our country I remember the call I got from my sister in law who was in hysterics on the phone and said there had been an explosion and Mike was in the hospital and they did not know much more. I was devastated and confused and just needed to hear his voice but due to the injuries it was not till a few days later since he was mostly in an out of consciousness when we finally did get to speak and as he began to tell me more of what happened as far as injuries and what he could recall or even share my concern was more so focused on the injuries that were outside or something I could see, his most severe injury in my opinion was the fact that he had blown apart his hand and had to have surgery to reattach a good part that contained the thumb. In addition to that injury he suffered burns to his eyes and damage to his ear drum and a major concussion. Again my biggest concern was his hand when you think back 18 years or so there was really no focus and real research or groups or shows that provide a realistic view or information on these types of injuries such as there is today on PTSD and TBI for soldiers injured in combat much less those in explosions
My husband was finally released from the Army and came home and as I stated in the opening of this article my husband is the strongest man I know and he is proud and to a fault he does not ever like to seek help or express his fears or concerns. For most of our married life I think to my own fault I allowed that and I let him shut himself off from me and deal with his demons and many times I took it as rejection or him being secretive. I remember years ago about 2 years after he was medically discharged and he was having problems with his eyesight and his hand and we went to the VA hospital and he was disgusted with himself for going because as we waited and were among other patients many of them he felt were in much worse condition and that he did not belong there as if he did not deserve to be in the same halls waiting in the cold rooms where doctors came in and did there best but they did not treat the patients they just treated the injuries to the best of their abilities.
Over the years prior to my husband really taking charge of his deeper injuries and gaining more insight and knowledge from the wealth of information available today we struggled with many of the after effects of his injuries. I remember an evening shortly after we moved into our first home together and we had been married about a year, my husband whom I had never seen cry not even at a funeral woke up in a sweat and panic and was crying and upset, he was rambling about losing everything and life spinning out of control and he was a mess, I held him and I kissed him and rocked him back to sleep and was so perplexed at this incident, even more perplexing was the next morning he had absolutely no memories of the event, of the crying or the panic that he exhibited. He did not even recall having a bad dream.
Over the years I believe he had maybe one or two more night incidents similar to that but as time went by he began to have panic attacks in the mornings more and more and he never shared those experiences with me. It would start out with me hearing him struggling for lack of a better description and I would ask if he was okay he of course as always would say he was fine. Many times he would become very short and irritable for no reason just out of the blue he would snap I would give him an hour and he was back to normal more relaxed and the man I loved and wanted to spend all my time with the loving caring husband. Sometimes for lack of a better description it was literally like living at times with a Bi-Polar person. Worse would be when he would shut me out completely he has struggled over the years with terrible migraines some so severe they cause him to have blurred vision and dry heaves. These were many times hour long events where he would close himself off in the dark areas of our basement family room and just sleep for hours. Large crowds or unknown locations always put him on edge and worse was loud noises that would push him beyond the edge and sometimes send him down a path of frustration and anger.
Over the years he has still had struggles with his hand and the pain and lack of mobility it has really bothered him when he struggles to button things or when he loses his grip on an item and then curses himself as if it’s a fault of his that he struggles with his hand injury. I remember many times over the years his hand aching and he would finally break out of his comfort zone to ask if I would massage his hand and stretch it would help a little. I love this man so very much and it was hard not being able to help make the frustrations and struggles go away.
The fun really began about four years ago my husband began pursuing medical care again and reached out to specialists at the VA hospital he had met with some very wonderful people thru some Veterans organizations and they had sat him down and said listen you are deserving to be seeking any and all help you can get for your injuries and you need to pursue these avenues that’s what those services are there for. So we began a new journey of testing and analysis and obtaining old records and diagnosis. With all the new findings in the areas of Disabled Veterans and blasts or explosions there had been soldiers for years that had never been truly identified and treated for internal injuries such as TBI or PTSD. After one set of tests the doctors identified Mike as so high on the charts that they put him on a weekly monitoring call to check on him and his mental state. I was petrified and at the same time incredulous at some of the things he had to go through. They placed him on Topamak and again I was petrified since I had read a lot of negative things on this drug, they prescribed it to help with his migraines and his panic attacks and his issues with loss of balance and to help take the edge off and just when I thought it could not get any worse it did we were falling down a hole and I did not think we would make it out together. Over the course of the 4-6 months he was on these medicines I lost the man I loved he became angry all the time and worse was when we would go out or had friends over and alcohol was involved he lost all sense of reason and inhibition and would drink to oblivion. We argued constantly and it got to a point where we rarely even slept in the same room anymore he would sleep down in the dark basement and I would sleep in our bedroom.
Our marriage had its issues over the years but this was different we were so far apart from each other and neither of us was reaching out to the other. We still were together but we were not the happily married couple that we were for years we had lost us. Still I never ever looked at his injuries and really understood his struggles nor did I correlate some of these issues and causes together I am somewhat ashamed of that now as I have come to realize so much more over the past year and a half. Mike had received the diagnosis from the hospital that confirmed a lot of what he had been struggling with he did in fact have PTSD and suffered from a Traumatic Brain Injury. He did indeed suffer hearing loss, which for years he had struggled with and I did as well since I was sure if I said something to him he was ignoring me or to engrossed in the TV which was a little louder than I liked, and that contributed to his issues with balance and nausea. And a big issue that he had struggled with for years was his memory he always had holes that he could not fill or events he forgot. He would tell stories to me that I had heard a couple times but I just assumed he was reveling in his younger days but he truly did not remember sharing them with me. While his injury to his hand had always been what I considered to be his greatest injury in the explosion and it is indeed a serious injury he continues to struggle with since he has limited mobility and use and it does offer up quite a bit of pain for him still I did not see the other injuries I did not understand them yes he got the diagnosis but what does that mean to someone like me who just did not understand and was not connecting with her husband. He had done a lot of research on his own and had really started to delve into his options but we never sat down and discussed them or learned together. He discontinued the Topamak after he started hearing from not just me but from friends and family that knew him that he had changed and it was not good. We still were not working on our marriage and we were slipping away from each other but he was coming to understand his symptoms and was actively pursuing remedies. Now I must say by no means were his injuries and the resulting side effects the main reason our marriage was crumbling it certainly was not helping that we were not talking we were not working together on our marriage or his struggles with his injuries.
Fast forward to a little over a year ago I was lost and just saw that he was shut away and withdrawn and secretive and just was not talking. We had lost each other along this journey and neither of us had even realized it we just fought then would kiss and make up but fall back in the same rituals. I had been letting him slip away and we were basically roommates, not best friends, not husband and wife and most certainly not soul mates. Our marriage was crumbling before me. Many times when Mike was struggling over the years and I was not working with him I would tell him just divorce me and find someone that makes you happy. I just never felt I made him happy no matter what I did he was still in these moods of despair and happy to close me out. At least that’s how I always saw it again these were not our only issues but in relation to this article I feel it’s important to share them. Well this time he said it he was ready to walk he was not happy and he was ready to end our life together.
I experienced my first panic attack one day later, I would experience several more over the next few weeks. I had dry heaves for about two weeks, I could not eat and I basically locked myself away in a dark room. I was experiencing first hand a small amount of what he had struggled with for years. I could not bear to live this way and somewhere inside of me I struggled to see how anyone could ever deal with these types of symptoms how they could function every day when it started with a panic attack or dry heaves. When I had cried for more than I believe anyone can ever cry I had a headache that lasted for four days and I could not even eat or deal with lights or noises. These were all things my husband had struggled with for over 20 years.
The hard part was that I never knew what he experienced I always assumed that yes he was not feeling well but I never knew how he was truly feeling because he never fully shared any of this with me. His memory lapses over the years were things I blamed on him not caring enough yet they are things that he really can’t control, there are many spaces he is missing that he will never get back since his injury. But now that I have really started to learn more I can come to some understanding of the causes. Mike and I really started to talk to try to retrace our steps that we lost and to try to find our way back to each other. He shared with me more in the first few months about his struggles and on so many levels I could relate. I know by no means did I suffer injuries as severe as he has but the panic attacks and physical illness I suffered when we were at the point of no return I would never wish on anyone. I read everything he suggests I research what I can find on mostly blogs and articles from people who are dealing with the day to day and the aftermath of these types of injuries while I believe doctors do the best they can to patch up the soldier and help them with the physical pain there are many areas that they can’t help and I believe I have learned the most from people who have lived through these types of injuries and the families that stand by them. I love my husband with all my heart and we are so much stronger now that we are both working on these things together. Now when he feels irritable or wants to just shut down he will share that with me as he starts to feel himself struggle. And I acknowledge that and give him the space knowing that its not that he does not love me or wants to be away from me but because he loves me and does not want to hurt me or say something he will regret. When he is having a panic attack he has been reaching out to me and talking about how he felt and I do my best to reassure him and let him know I have got him when he needs me to catch him. This is the man I will spend the rest of my life with and we will work together on this every step of the way. It was hard getting here but I have no regrets. For better or for worse in sickness and in health till death do we part.
I am so thankful for the wonderful groups and organizations that are focusing on our servicemen and women. And I truly am hoping that my story will provide insight and hope to the spouses of those men and women. These men and women display such bravery and courage and they ask nothing in return. That may be the hardest thing they ever do is reach out there hand and say I need you and I need help, my answer is to say to all of the spouses before you throw in the towel and walk away reach out your hand to them and say I need you and I want to help, I love you and we are in this together. And finally don’t be afraid to cry and show your emotions and feelings back to them for years I did that and I have learned my husband is there to catch me when I am wavering in spirit and heart. He is my best friend and he is my soul mate.
Regards,
Ami H. VanHooser
With open arms,
Pam Hays
Founder/President and severe TBI survivor
The Arms Forces
PO Box 981
Maumee, OH 43537
419-491-1555
[email protected] –email
www.facebook.com/thearmsforces.org
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